Average Joes

In every universe there are ordinary folks who do ordinary jobs every day. In this section, we salute these working stiffs in their own words. And yes, ladies, there will be an entry for Average Janes coming up Real Soon Now.

Joe Babbage, Steambus Driver
"Yep, sonny, I've been running this old girl from the Bay Bridge to Daly City for the better part of 17 years now and you'll not find a more reliable Steambus in all of the Bay Area! "

Joe Bosley, Street Sweeper
"Like I was saying, this is a hell of a town for garbage in the streets. Last week, it was the Brotherhood of Airshippers parade and them boys was partying hard up in those zeppelins."

Joe Brown, Tavernkeeper
"Here ya go, matey, fresh off the boat from Jamaica today. That there rum'll put a wind in yer sails fer sure! Just got inta port, eh? Well, ye came at a good time, I reckon."

Joe Chang, Bathhouse Proprietor
"Yes, yes...you've come to the right place for a bath, sir. For only 50 cents, we'll fix you up a nice hot bath and give you a bar of fancy French milled soap. Very nice! For slightly more, we can give you the extra soft towels, too. A beautiful young lady to share the bath?"

Joe Doakes, Diner Cook
"So like I was sayin', ya work at a place like this...on a busy corner in a big city...and ya see all kindsa things. An' I ain't just talkin' about good lookin' dames and rich guys, either. Hell, I was on my break one day last year when..."

Joe Hinkley, Barber
"Me? Hey, I'm just the guy who gives shaves and haircuts. Yeah, I might hear sometin' interesting now and then...sometimes some interesting mugs come in. Sell information? Me? Now whatever gave you that idea?"

Joe Jones. Sanitation Engineer
"Yeah, I'm a garbage collector. So? Somebody has to do it and the pay ain't bad. Sure you sometimes end up smelling pretty funky by the end of the day, but a good shower and some Old Spice and yer a new man."

Joe Kolchak, Cab Driver
"I'm tellin' ya, Eddie, ya see some friggin' strange shit on the late shift. The other night, I get commandeered by this FBI agent who tells me to follow some guy who's on foot...and the guy outruns us! No, I ain't been smokin' crack, ya wiseass."

Joe Konk, Security Guard
"Uhh, yeah, I'm the only security guard here at the ACME factory. It's rough work, but what else am I gonna do? I'm not good lookin' like Mickey Mouse or smart like Bugs Bunny."

Joe Lucas, Droid Repairman
"Man, that is one banged up K5 unit you've got there. What happened to him? Did a Wookie play kickball with him? Yeah, sure, I'll fix him up. You want the new 6.2 software upgrade while I'm at it? "

Joe Nathan, Hot Dog Cart Operator
"My regulars? Oh, I get lots of the heroes, ya know. They stop by for a quick bite. Of course, I get some of the villains, too, but I don't discriminate. Even bad guys need to eat, right? "

Joe Orion, Starship Mechanic
"Oh now, jeez, I haven't seen one of dese in years. An old Asimov 250 wit' jump drive, right? Gosh, this is a classic, don't ya know? There's a fella back home in Fargo has got one o' dese."

Joe Smith, Blacksmith
"Aye, I'm the village blacksmith and so was my father and grandfather before me. You need a horse shod or a weapon repaired or a new weapon made, then I'm your man."

Joe Standing Elk, Fishing Guide
"Oh yes, my family has been fishing the Thames and it's tributaries since about 1320...not long after we conquered Britain. Of course, some of my grandfathers (the Cherokees on my mother's side) went on to fight the war in Austria, where they eventually settled."

Joe Wyznowski, Cemetary Custodian
"Yeah, I know, it's a creepy job taking care of a cemetery. Some of my friends thought I was nuts, but hell, the pay is good and I get this nice little cottage to live in."