By The Numbers: 4,761

...would be the estimated number of White Peking Ducks that escaped from an overturned truck on State Route 20 near Lucerne, California. Normally, this would mean that most of the ducks would be recaptured or, if they escaped into the wild, eaten by predators. In this particular instance, the other truck involved in the head on collision was hauling radioactive medical waste that all of the ducks were exposed to. After that, things got strange. This is your first paragraph.

The ducks developed a hive mind and an intelligence that was far above that of mere humans. They also developed arms instead of wings and the ability to both speak with and control certain humans.

Having escaped into the mountains of Mendocino County, the ducks soon had a small army of human slaves working for them. Within a year, the ducks had increased their numbers to over 25,000 (most of the mutated ducks were females and they all raised at least two clutches of eggs that hatched 4-6 babies) and set about enslaving humans in key governmental and military positions. Within 5 more years, they had taken control of half the planet. In another 3 years, they ruled it all.

Which is why we now celebrate 25 years of glorious and peaceful rule by our benevolent and loving masters. All Hail The Duck, Our Global Masters!