Joe Kolchak, Cab Driver

I'm tellin' ya, Eddie, ya see some friggin' strange shit on the late shift. The other night, I get commandeered by this FBI agent who tells me to follow some guy who's on foot...and the guy outruns us! No, I ain't been smokin' crack, ya wiseass. I'm tellin' ya, this mook was hittin' 60-70 miles an hour and jumpin' over oncoming cars!

And then there was last Thursday, when I pick up this chick who got into my hack with blond hair, a really big rack and blue eyes...but when she gets out, she has gray eyes, short black punky hair and hardly any tits! Yeah, I know, most dames would have gone from flat & punk to blond and glamorous, but in the space of 20 minutes in the backseat of a cab?

Just last night, I'm heading up 57th street towards the Carlton Hotel and this guy hails me. I pull over and he gets in and tells me to get him to the Zoo and step on it. Says he'll tip me big. Anyway, I hit the gas and we're on our way. Yeah yeah, I know the Zoo is closed at night, but I'm thinkin' this guy might be livin' nearby in one of them fancy townhouses. Anyhow, this guy is in the back, moanin' kinda quiet like and every so often he has like a spasm or some shit. By the time we reach the Zoo, he jumps outta the cab and tosses me a handful of twenties. By the time I look up to thank him, all I see is a big shape leapin' over that 8 foot high fence they got around the place.

I swear, some nights I wonder if I ain't drivin' in the Twilight Zone.